“This is what they eat in Heaven”, I murmured aloud through a mouthful of butter and red meat and cheese.

Aside from the grease dripping down my face and the guilt that goes along with being a fat man eating shit like this… I was, for 5 short minutes, in heaven.

Want to make one for yourself? Here’s How.

1. Make A Grilled Cheese.
2. Make Another Grilled Cheese
3. Grill up a burger
4. Stick it between the grilled cheese sandwiches.
5. Enjoy!

Nutrition Information

Fat: 2357 Grams
Calories: 14905

Novalee has been dying to make a cake, and I snagged a new iPod Nano with a video camera, so here’s 7 minutes of boring cuteness. Enjoy!

Novalee had never been to Chuck E. Cheese’s so we knew this would be a fun trip.

She was so excited she wouldn’t go to sleep. After an hour in the bed ‘trying‘ to nap, she had taken the hint- if she tried to leave the bed she was in trouble. The second we said “ok, you don’t have to take a nap before we go” she leapt out of bed and ran as fast as she could to the door, her hair flailing in the wind she made behind her.

When we arrived, I was initially disappointed in the size – Compared to what I remember the Newington, NH CEC to be, this was tiny. It seemed more crowded, and most different -  it was very bright. The Chuck E. Cheese was a darkened den of childhood mischeif, at least in my memory. The low-light passageways of the carpet-maze, the flickering fluorescent light above the stained and dirty multi-colored balls in the pit and clacking, loud and very scary puppets on stage.

Where was my low-lit pit of pleasure in this sanitary museum of happiness?

When I say sanitary, I mean it. The floor was immaculate, the tables were clean and clear of any sign of ever being used, the ‘kitchen’, really a glorified trough, was clean as a whistle and the food was perfectly displayed. I felt like I was entering a museum displaying the future of Chuck E. Cheese. The only thing that told me I was able to touch anything? – Everyone else was.

Chuck E. Cheese Qualified Security Staff Of 16 Year Old Girls Will Protect Your Children

I kid – I was surprised at the efficiency of the process and the aggressive follow up of the staff at Chuck E. Cheeses. They have a system that involves stamps, numbers and black-lights to keep track of who’s leaving with who. Although I didn’t test what actually would happen if I tried to leave with a different numbered kid, I’m sure it involves many police and Maine Mall Security. The system immediately turns a 16 year old girl into a functional guardian of your child. When I went to get a different camera lens out of the minivan, I was stopped on the way out by both a staff member and a velvet rope. “Is someone watching your child?” I was asked. With a positive reply I was allowed through the barricade.

Only One Broken… Anything.

Another example of the antiseptic environment – there was only a single item broken in the whole place. The machines looked brand spankin’ new and nothing was sticky. Impressive. Rather odd considering there were 3 dozen children running around.

Novalee giggled and pranced her way from game to game, ride to ride, never lingering in many places, save one.

She couldn’t get enough of this slide thing – a miniature version of the rat-maze in the ceiling for the larger kids.

All in all we had a great time.

Next time I think I’ll check out the Newington Chuck E. Cheese to see if it’s more like I remember it. At the very least, I’m pretty sure it’s larger. But no complaints and good times with the monkey and Erin. If you live local to Portland you should swing on in. It’s located directly next to the food court in the Maine Mall in South Portland Maine.