The OUI Before Christmas… A Poem
Twas the night before Christmas
On great food, engorged
I lost a button
It shot cross the floor
My Marlboros packed
A match set to light
When I looked to my left
And beheld such a sight
Santa was cruising
Rudolph at the helm
Headed straight to my window
like a bat out of hell
Suddenly jerking
the reigns drawn back tight
His sleigh thundered upward
missing me by a spite
wind from the sleigh blew
blustering briskly
And I caught a strong whiff
of single-malt whiskey
I leaned out the window
shouting things crass
flipping Santa the bird
as he drunkenly passed
“Merry Christmas to you, too!”
he exclaimed, as he drove out of sight
Drunk on egg-nog – and high as a kite.
Off in the distance
I heard a great crash
Toys and reindeer parts
scattered enmasse
I hung my head low
As I understood
For children all over
This couldn’t be good
Fast forward 3 years
30 days in jail
Mrs. Santa Clause had
to come up with the bail
A thousand dollar fine
and community service
Now Santa’s back driving
His reindeer are nervous
Tonight I’ll pray Santa
is Dry as bone.
In hopes he wont crash
again
into the side of my home…
-
deb
