10 Ways to be an MLM 2.0 / Twitter Douchebag

I was watching a video today that was explaining that “98% of the worlds population doesn’t like to be pitched”. I don’t know about the validity or even the source of that information, but I know I don’t like being shown a bunch of crap when I’m looking for something in particular.

Stop wasting your time and everyone else’s!

When was the last time you went online to look at advertisements? What about television? You ever turn on the TV and get irritated with all those pesky TV shows in the middle of your commercials? Probably not. So why do so many people use social media as a way to pitch a product.

What is it about the word “Social” that most Network Marketers don’t understand?

For example, I opened my twitter account today, and some idiot posted some article about this new miracle powder you sprinkle on your food, and it’s supposes to magically eliminate 25% of the calories. My immediate reaction was obviously skeptical, but curious, like train-wreck curious. Now please, understand that I am a big fan of network marketing as a business. It’s a great way to make money, it can pay very well, and there are some genuinely good companies and products out there that are only available through MLM. But traditional MLM was invented a long time ago, well before the Internet. The only way to build businesses was the industry cliche – “Start with friends and family”. Not anymore. Welcome to MLM 2.0 and Social Networking.

10 Ways to be an MLM 2.0 / Social Media Douchebag

1. Assume Everyone Is Fat!

Just send them links to your fat-loss and health-drink sites. Everyone loves being bombarded with links, especially ones that insinuate they may or may not be fat. Surely fat people twitter. It’s only a matter of time before one of the million messages you send out gets to a fat person, and they decide to buy your product. Ask yourself, with all that clever marketing you’re doing, what happens where there are no more fat people, because they’re all using your product?

2. You know what’s best for everyone. Make sure you tell them!

You are the best at what you do, and you know what these people need. Make sure that when you talk to anyone on any social media site, you use terms like “You HAVE to check this out – you NEED this product, trust me”. I know, personally, that when someone tell me what I need, if they end it with the words “trust me”, i go for it. I mean, I trust them, right?

3. Don’t bother talking WITH anyone, just TO everyone.

Social media means you get to talk to everyone. And you know what, they HAVE to listen! So you should spend all your time putting out information about your product and opportunity, and don’t waste time learning about these people. They are dollar signs, not actual people. Right?

4. Whatever you do, don’t send any information that is objective or helpful

You need to keep these people in line. When you use Twitter, make sure you only send links that are beneficial to you. Why would you want to offer anything else? When you Digg, only Digg your own articles. And make sure you post your self-promoting links all over the place. If you have any links to programs where I can make millions in a week, put them on ALL your posts and comments, especially on your own blog! there should be 20 links per post to your products, minimum!

5. Use lots of oxymorons, like “ONLY $999 per month”. Everyone’s Flush, It’s a great economy!

It’s easier to just push a large product to people you don’t know. It’s really just a numbers game. Social media is your bitch, and you’re going to make a lot of money. Just push whatever you want to enough people, and you’ll be loved, and wealthy. And that Ferrari you see in all these MLM ads you see? That’s right – yours!

6. Don’t waste time on a good website.

It’s not worth it. You should use the website that the company gives you when you sign up. It’s so easy! Just upload that photo of you from 1987 that you scanned back in ‘95. Should you not heed this advice in MLM douchebaggery, and you do make your own website, keep the following in mind - make sure you pick awesome colors, like bright blues, or lots of greens – but make sure everything clashes though, it’s all about WOW. Oh and get as many grainy pictures of chicks in bikinis, greasy haired dudes in white outfits leaning against a Ferarri as you can! And make sure you have lots of Palm trees. Big houses with palm trees. Tons of them. It makes people feel like they could be rich!

7. Just get accounts everywhere – don’t bother filling them out.

Make sure that when people want to find out more about you, they can’t! The internet should be used to remain anonymous while you sell your wares. There’s no point in actual participation other than taking time away from valuable spamming! In closing, I hope that this part-finished article allows for a better idea of what NOT to do on social media websites. They are NOT just a place to sell your products and opportunities. In fact, you probably won’t get anywhere. Embrace the community and it will embrace you. Be yourself, and you’ll go far. Don’t pitch, or you’ll be ditched. Share the information you learn from others. If it’s out there, it’s not a secret. Share- people will love you and be much more open to any kind of offering you may have.